What is the definition of Standings Body Enhancing Irritants?

"Standings body enhancing irritants" - Think of it as a fancy, over-the-top, and absolutely absurd sports commentator who's more obsessed with making your skin itch than with keeping track of who's leading the team or who's the slowest. These are the unsavory underclass of sports analysis, where the only 'enhancing' is the urge to pinch your itchy eyes and scream, "That irritant! It's time for a stand-up comedy routine!"

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Now, here's an edgy sentence: "As the 'Standings Body Enhancing Irritants' roared to life, the coach ordered the team to huddle around the locker room wall, convinced that a good sniffle would be the perfect stand-up routine to boost their morale."